FoxNews “Science and Technology” warns Everyone that Hackers are inside your Brain Right Now.

You can’t make this crap up. The title of the article is "10 Everyday Items Hackers are Targeting Right Now." It’s claimed to be "science and technology" from the news organization whose pie charts regularly add up to greater than 100%.

So let’s summarize the list for the impatient few. Here’s what those crazy HACKERS are targeting RIGHT NOW:

  1. Your Car(*)  –they can start your car electronically, because that never happened with 10 minutes and a pair of wire cutters under the dash.
  2. Your GPS(*) — they can track you remotely, because hackers really want to know where the happening spots are and are too lame to use social networking.
  3. Your Cellphone — they can take over your phone, which, if you use AT&T, will do exactly nothing.
  4. Your Front Door(**)  — they can open it remotely, because smashing a window is too low-tech for most criminals. Let’s spend several hours cracking your crappy security system to steal a bunch of Hummels.
  5. Your Blender(**) — they can turn it on. Ooh, killer frappes. Once they can turn it on and make it fly across the room, then I’ll be worried.
  6. Your Printer(*) — they can print stuff remotely, maybe even see your crappy photos from last vacation. Extremely creepy… and useless, unless you regularly print your credit card number, in which case you should be more concerned about shredding your physical trash.
  7. Your Digital Camera(*) — they can see what you snapped, maybe even photoshop the pictures and replace them before you download them. Fark contest anyone?
  8. Your Electricity (i.e., power outlets) — they can… wait, it needs the smart grid for anyone to hack anything? Never mind. Ten years out (but yes, let’s make the smart grid smart about security. Good idea.).
  9. Your Body(**) — they can hack into that high tech bionic arm the US government didn’t pay for when they got your real one blown off. Otherwise, you’re pretty safe for at least 10 or 15 years here.
  10. Your Brain (**)  — never mind the fact that your brain is usually considered part of your body, they can use social engineering to make you fear everything and obey. Yes, like Fox is doing it right now. OMG! Hackers!


*   if it allows wireless/automatic firmware updates over insecure networks that hackers can get you to use
** if it’s networked and allows remote operation that hackers can, um, hack.

Let’s add a few items to their list, shall we?

  1. Your TV — FoxNews controls everything you watch, unless you change the channel or turn it off.
  2. Your Government — remember the 2000 and 2004 elections? Eight years of Bush may be due to bad software and corrupt election officials with special compact flash cards (see Al Gore’s negative 16000 votes in Florida).
  3. Your Life — why do you even listen to these people who tell you what to buy, wear, think, and vote? They don’t care about you. They don’t even like you. In fact, they think you’re retarded, and they like it that way.


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